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A mini-post
May. 13th, 2006 09:59 pmEverything has been odd; school, family life, social life, and myself.
~I am an unofficial junior now because yesterday was the seniors' last day at my school.
~My family life has been hectic due to Karissa's pregnancy. I haven't seen Gina (biological womb carrier), but I have a feeling that I will see her more when Karissa's kid is born, which majorly sucks, of course.
~My social life has improved a lot. I have many friends at school now.
~I used to look like a thirteen-year-old girl with boob implants, but now a lot of people has been mistaking me for an eighteen-year-old female.
~I will be 17 years old in 32 and a half days.
Summer break is rapidly approaching, and I found myself wondering: what will happen to me?
I feel as if my life is a tornado: full of chaos, confusion, vulnerability, drama, immaturity, emotions, and....growing up.
Yep, that is my life, and I am almost seventeen years old.
Perhaps this is part of the teenage years....I want to be done with the teenage years, but at the same time I don't feel as if I am ready to cross over the line that has 'adulthood' all over it.
I want to grow up, but at the same time I just want to go to an ice cream shop and savouring the juicy taste of vanilla and chocolate dripping on my waffle cone again. I want to ride my old, pink bicycle with sparkly purple things on the handlebars and ride down the hill again. I want to scream at guys accusing them of having the cooties again. I want to feel the sheer emotion of victory when I kick my sister's ass again.
Those moments in my life were the best moments of my childhood, but despite all the fun things I did in my childhood, my childhood was dark. Those moments in my life were very, very, very rare.
I remember worrying all the time when I was a kid. I remember pretending that everything will be ok. I remember making up stories in my mind, so I could forget the dark moments in my childhood. I remember being jealous of the other kids at a park because I didn't have something they have. I remember pretending that their mothers were mine. I remember dreaming of a childhood I never had- a functional family. I remember crying during the night because I often dreamt of a loving mother who was there for me all the time, but then I woke up realizing that my mother was not the mother in my dream.
My previous teenage years were dark; although those years were not dark as the years of my childhood.
The reason why my teenage years were dark because I had to face the reality. I had to face the reality about everything. I had to admit a lot of bad things in my life. I was unable to escape from the reality through making up stories in my head.
Well, it is a good thing that I am growing up. I am looking forward to change my life. Maybe I will find the family I dream of. Maybe I will be fully happy for once. Maybe I will life the life I dream of. I know I cannot change my past, but I know I can change the future through my actions. The future is never set in stone; thus, I can improve my life. Maybe I will stop looking at the mirror and see my mother.......Instead of seeing her, I will see myself. Hopefully the ghost of my mother will stop haunting me.
Anyways, on the brighter note; how are you guys doing?
~I am an unofficial junior now because yesterday was the seniors' last day at my school.
~My family life has been hectic due to Karissa's pregnancy. I haven't seen Gina (biological womb carrier), but I have a feeling that I will see her more when Karissa's kid is born, which majorly sucks, of course.
~My social life has improved a lot. I have many friends at school now.
~I used to look like a thirteen-year-old girl with boob implants, but now a lot of people has been mistaking me for an eighteen-year-old female.
~I will be 17 years old in 32 and a half days.
Summer break is rapidly approaching, and I found myself wondering: what will happen to me?
I feel as if my life is a tornado: full of chaos, confusion, vulnerability, drama, immaturity, emotions, and....growing up.
Yep, that is my life, and I am almost seventeen years old.
Perhaps this is part of the teenage years....I want to be done with the teenage years, but at the same time I don't feel as if I am ready to cross over the line that has 'adulthood' all over it.
I want to grow up, but at the same time I just want to go to an ice cream shop and savouring the juicy taste of vanilla and chocolate dripping on my waffle cone again. I want to ride my old, pink bicycle with sparkly purple things on the handlebars and ride down the hill again. I want to scream at guys accusing them of having the cooties again. I want to feel the sheer emotion of victory when I kick my sister's ass again.
Those moments in my life were the best moments of my childhood, but despite all the fun things I did in my childhood, my childhood was dark. Those moments in my life were very, very, very rare.
I remember worrying all the time when I was a kid. I remember pretending that everything will be ok. I remember making up stories in my mind, so I could forget the dark moments in my childhood. I remember being jealous of the other kids at a park because I didn't have something they have. I remember pretending that their mothers were mine. I remember dreaming of a childhood I never had- a functional family. I remember crying during the night because I often dreamt of a loving mother who was there for me all the time, but then I woke up realizing that my mother was not the mother in my dream.
My previous teenage years were dark; although those years were not dark as the years of my childhood.
The reason why my teenage years were dark because I had to face the reality. I had to face the reality about everything. I had to admit a lot of bad things in my life. I was unable to escape from the reality through making up stories in my head.
Well, it is a good thing that I am growing up. I am looking forward to change my life. Maybe I will find the family I dream of. Maybe I will be fully happy for once. Maybe I will life the life I dream of. I know I cannot change my past, but I know I can change the future through my actions. The future is never set in stone; thus, I can improve my life. Maybe I will stop looking at the mirror and see my mother.......Instead of seeing her, I will see myself. Hopefully the ghost of my mother will stop haunting me.
Anyways, on the brighter note; how are you guys doing?
